Posts Tagged reality tv

Reviews!

Make sure to check the reviews page regularly (OK like once a month) for my updates on the most critically acclaimed and hardest-hitting productions on the television. And sometimes the silver screen. Click this big ass hyperlink, or that Reviews tab up there! 🙂

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Nominations Round Two – Lets try and get this one right, shall we?

You know what MNET? The real twist would be if you followed through with the nominations this week AND actually kick out the housemate that gets voted out. These ‘shocking twists’ are shocking to noone but your lame ass production team.I’m not surprised that Sammi’s nominated – I only saw two stories about him the entire week and they were about him making music. Super-fun housemate! GO HOME!

And although I am not enamoured with the writers MNET has employed to update the website (seriously, I had to reread each nomination post a minimum of three times just to understand who was nominated by whom); this has to be the best sentence ever:“alleged lack of personal hygiene” – DEAD.

UPDATE: MNET hasn’t screwed it up for once and Sammi, Uti and Smelly are up for nomination after Tatiana saved herself.

So obvs Sammi out but Hannington can also go.

Also haha at Meryl’s video speaking about Smelly’s hygiene situation. Haha: “I’m not persecuting him, but…”

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So – noone’s going home?

I logged onto the website hoping to see the headline “Sammi (or one of the other Expendables) out!”

Instead, the asswipes do this:MNET is so full of shit! At least delete the two nonsensical stories about the evictions since you’ve revealed your hand. I’m not watching (logistics) but I already know that this is the worst season of BBA yet.

And ati Sheila might get with Hanington? Don’t do it! He smells!

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Meryl is so going home

Even if Sammi doesn’t get voted out this week for his super-boringness (maybe he’s so boring people forgot he’s there), Meryl is totally not winning! The super self-righteous African Puritans will get her! Her and growly Tatiana. Hehe.

But lets at least keep her in long enough so that the house isn’t super-boring! COME ON!

Bonus: Interesting thoughts from Yacob on how people love romance in Africa! Don’t get tricked by the couples voters! Interesting that I’m not the only one who can barely remember Jeremy 🙂

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NOMINATIONS

Like a loser, I’ve been following the nominations on the BBA site today and tallying them up because I’ve got nothing better to do with my life.

Here’s an awesome graph that I made as soon as MNet were done putting the last ones up *disclaimer – any mistakes are MNet’s fault!*:

Big Brother Allst★rs – the first nominations!

Mwisho was apparently unable to nominate anyone (loser!) so he is automatically nominated.

[Mwisho] Refused, despite being prompted by Big Brother, to nominate anyone; therefore automatically going up for nomination himself.

Anyway, Lerato and Sammi have the majority of nominations. This is good. Because, if BBA doesn’t mess around with the formatting trying to influence the outcome of the show then Mwisho, Lerato and Sammi should be up. And if Africa doesn’t go all weird and vote for boring ass housemates, then Sammi should be out by Sunday! Yes!

Please BBA let people vote for these two and Mwisho. No nonsense stunts of everyone up for nomination or whatever! ITS NOT FUN AND ITS NOT FAIR! Can IK also be put up for nomination?

UPDATE: EVERYONE is up for nomination! Thanks Big Brother for your entirely unexpected twist. THANKS!

Also MNET, can you please increase the quality of the video clips you’re putting on the net? Two minutes of Tatiana growling that she’s a vampire, Tatiana and Paloma dancing (THREE MINUTES! UNNECESSARY) or Code playing the guitar (as good as he is) is just not compelling. Where’s all the trashiness? Where’s an editor to cut these videos down to the one minute that they deserve (if that)? Or is BBA just that boring that this is what passes for entertainment this season?!

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Big Brother Allstars

First of all, thanks MNET for not waiting a month and a half for the biggest BB fan to come back! Cheeeeers guys… At least they’ve sorted out the website and its not this ridiculous maze of slow-loading videos anymore. They’ve also linked it to Facebook like the rest of the New World Order internet though and that annoys me. But I’ll take the rough with the smooth.

So – Sheila is representing Kenya. I missed the first half of the BBA that she was in but agree that she is by far our best candidate.

She’s normal unlike Jeff, likable unlike Alex Wackness and finally – can go the distance unlike Teddy. Lets not even talk about Jeremy who I always forget because he was super-boring. Chicks really need to stop voting for guys just because they’re “hot”! So go Kenya!

Let me just take a moment to laugh at Sean Paul’s haircut:

Its awful. But good to know that if I ever want to record with him, all I gotta do is ‘link him on Twitter‘. Who knew it was that easy? (Too bad I can’t sing hehe)

Votes: Anyway lets see what happens with the first week’s vote! Please, don’t vote out anyone fun, people with the power to vote! Expendable housemates below. I definitely want Sammi first out. I don’t remember him and his ‘music’ at the beginning was awful… Go HOME!

Sammi aka 'Does anyone know who I am'; Paloma (YUK) and Smellington (hahaaaa) can go!

I guess there’s no shower hour this time either. Is that why Mwisho is walking around the room naked?And why can’t Meryl control herself? That affair she’s having with the ‘well-known Namibian personality’ is going to end pretty sharpish if she can’t exercise a little restraint! Plus if you’re having a secret affair with a man who might be married, you probably shouldn’t tell an entire continent. Is this what playing the game constitutes – being indiscreet and being a super-perv? Because if so I would be an epic fail in the Big Brother house.

I should get back to work but its so good to have something that can replace the void that the World Cup ending has left in my life. BBA is my rebound bitch. If only KB had come back :(, everything would have been perfect between us.

Oh this just in: Sheila AGREES with me on that wack-ass mohawk! It really does suck!

**Just so you know, Idid the whole post with lots of choice videos only to discover that MNET hasn’t properly sorted their embedding so it doesn’t show up on the post. Fools! **

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Au revoir…

As you may all or may not know… the worst thing that could have happened has! The Hills is over! OVER. I’m so sad. Thank God for reruns, because I don’t know how I would make it otherwise.

I’m actually very sad that its over. Now what will I watch at work? Especially since MTV won’t even let me watch Season 6 yet, let alone S7! Stupid racist MTV.

Anyway, first off, lets say goodbye to Lauren and her valley-girl drawl. Most famous for the awesome quote:

“I want to forgive you and I want to forget you.”

which I have yet to use in a fight with a frenemy (I need a frenemy BTW, any applicants?), she will also be remembered for her Laguna Beach appearances (rewatch it. Seriously underrated), her fights with Kristin Cavallari over Stephen, who was NOT cute, and for giving up going to Paris (PARIS!) for Jason the druggie cheater sex-tapey sleazeball. But let’s not forget, she’s written three books and has several fashion lines!

These weren't ghost-written at all!

Anyway Lauren was always my favourite character – both in Laguna Beach and in The Hills. Now let’s look at her friends. First Whitney.I guess what people will miss most about Whitney is her scarily-wide open eyes when she’s “shocked”. Maybe also her ability to ask Lauren inane questions and to never talk about herself. I have never watched her show The City so I’m not sure how she’s doing as a main character. I wonder if she has to stop herself from opening every question with “So what’s going on between you and Jason/Brody/Doug/Whoever”. Anyway she left The Hills after Season 3 or 4, so lets not think too much about her.

Now Audrina. What can one say about Audrina. Michael K calls her Ceiling Eyes and has the best pics of her eyes looking extra ceilingy. Example:

She was also dumb enough to believe that Lauren would hook up with her on-and-off boyfriend Justin Bobby. I don’t know, I guess that’s pretty much it. She also dated Ryan Cabrera, who sings shitty songs that I am glad I don’t know. His Wikipedia page (linked above) says that he is famous for “dating Ashlee Simpson” and was given the ” honor of Bands (Artists) You Should Know to Sound Cool” by Avril Lavigne. LOL. So cool. At least she broke up with him. That’s the smartest thing she’s ever done.

And the intern sitting next to me just caught me writing about The Hills. How embarrassing.

Anyhow, moving on. Heidi.

Well she was nice and normal and then she met a psychopath who tried to date her and Audrina at the same time. Then she moved in with him, got plastic surgery, stopped being friends with Lauren, tried a singing career, married the psychopath, got ten plastic surgery procedures in one day, started ignoring her family, got kicked off The Hills after accusing the producer of sexual harassment, left the psychopath and asked Michael Bay to be in the next Transformers movie on Twitter. Oh and she’s going to have a reality show about her separation from the psychopath.  Produced by the the psycho’s production company. Yeah. That’s her life now.

And last but not least, Lo. My favourite of all Lauren’s friends – because she was fun, smart, sarcastic and the most normal. But I don’t have much to say about her since she’s not a fame-whore. Also I’m paranoid about being caught essaying about The Hills again. Its tempering my creative flow dammit!

Since I can’t watch Season 6 or 7 (legally) I won’t talk about Kristin Cavallari. Except to say I guess she brought the drama.And also had an on-and-off with Brody Jenner. Wow.

Goodbye to The Hills (watch that.)I’m lost without you.

**so glad this blog is anonymous**

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