Posts Tagged bored

I watched this so you don’t have to: Bride Wars

*** MAD SPOILERS ETC ETC ***

So last year I watched The Bounty Hunter, which was a terrible experience to say the least.  But I remained positive that most romcoms are better than this. Then I watched Valentine’s Day, which was too dire to even write about. So for a long time I have stuck to watching TV shows (if anyone’s keeping track, I finally obtained, and massively enjoyed Angel :D). But the other day, I came home from a long day at uni, or work and I was too tired to watch an intense episode of Firefly or something. So I decided to download a romcom! Having recently read a list on Listverse of the Top 10 Movie Wedding Disasters with Bride Wars featuring at number 10, I was well up for some movielite!

So the cast: Anne Hathaway; Kate Hudson and others. This is Kate Hudson’s type of movie, although I do NOT like her hair in it. And she’s some sort of brilliant lawyer, which requires even me – the romcom queen – to allocate large amounts of brain power to successfully suspending disbelief. Anne Hathaway – what can I say? She is much better than this movie. Her character in the movie is much better than this weak ass plot. Which leads us to…

The weak ass Plot: Two girls who have been best friends since they were like five, get engaged at the same time. The wedding planner (apparently the best in New York – uh yeah right!) messes up their bookings so that their wedding ends up being booked for the same day at the same time at the Plaza. For many stupid and inexplicable reasons, this date cannot be changed, there is no other date until three years from then, no one will swap with them, there is no chance of a double wedding and none of them will just have their wedding at another hotel or any other compromise. Chaos and hilarious pranks ensue.

Liv (played by Kate Hudson) has always been the stronger character and won’t stand down.  Emma (Anne H.) has always let Liv have her way and just wants to get what SHE wants for once. So after neither of them look like backing down from that day, its all out WAR. Liv steals Emma’s DJ. So Emma sends Liv chocolates and cookies so she can get fat and no longer fit into her Vera Wang dress. Then Liv spikes Emma’s tanning solution so she ends up oompa-loompa orange instead of a soft bridal glow.

Emma in turn spikes Liv’s hair-dye solution and her hair:

"is BLUE. ITS BLUEEEE" - Oscar-worthy performance!

Some more shenanigans include Liv stealing Emma’s montage-DVD (THIS IS IMPORTANT LATER) and of course, the dance-off.

In which Emma overshadows Liv at her own Bachelorette party, because somehow her ballroom dancing classes have led to her being an expert in stripper- and break-dancing. And it also appears that Liv does not even know what dancing is – only able to wave her hands helplessly like an alien while Emma breakdances circles around her. There might have been more pranks but to be honest I skipped athrough all that the first time and only knew to find the dance montage because I wikipediad the movie later.

Finally… Its the day of the wedding. Both girls have crappy maids-of-honor because they couldn’t be each others. Emma’s parents come to say hello to Liv anyway (I think hers are dead? Or anyway they’re gone) and she feels bad and decides to swap back the DVDs. Her maid-of-honour/assistant however assumes its a prank (HOW? WHY? WHO DOES THAT?) and throws the DVD in a flowerpot. SO then, instead of a lame cute video montage THIS happens:

EMMA ON SPRING BREAK!! WOOO- no?

and then – BRIDE WARS!!

Seriously. I initially fast-forwarded through all this crap, because honestly – I was like WTF have I just wasted precious hours of my life on? But then I had to rewatch to get the screencaps therefore rendering my frantic clicking through the movie moot. Oh well.

But then it turns out that Emma doesn’t even get married. Her boyfriend doesn’t like what she’s become. Wikipedia tells me that he was too controlling, but if I was gonna marry someone and they turned into some psycho bridezilla (groomzilla) I’d deep-six that shit too. I missed the nuances of their utterly realistic relationship due to fast-forwarding though, so maybe he was super-controlling! Kate Liv gets married happily. And you think thats the end but its NOT. See? Coz, a year later Emma gets married to Liv’s brother. Which is not made obvious at all throughout the movie (sarcasm).

And then it turns out they’re pregnant at the same time and due on the same date (June 3rd, if anyone cares). Then the movie ends. I smell a sequeeeel :).

Womb Wars: Two best friends had always dreamed of giving birth in Cedars Sinai Hospital, Room 666. There was deep sentimental value for both of them to this room. By some strange coincidence, they are due on the same date! Neither will give up the room, but only one can give birth in Room 666. Who will win… the Womb Wars!!

Anyhooow… some random thoughts:

  • Movie less than an hour and a half, still felt too long.
  • Are there really people in this world who feel this strongly about their wedding?? I don’t even care about mine. But seriously, these women are best friends. And they are horrible to each other. I was genuinely horrified that some people reviewing on Amazon felt it depicted a realistic bride. Whoever you are bridezillas- ITS NEVER THAT SERIOUS.
  • Kate Hudson’s alien dance. Wish I could make GIFs, it was terrible.
  • Worse than The Bounty Hunter (yes, really) – EVEN WORSE THAN Fool’s Gold. OK maybe comparable to Fool’s Gold. (My opinion of course).
  • 11% on Rotten Tomatoes. Deserves less.
  • I didn’t even fast forward through Hannah Montana the Movie (although I was in Brussels so you know… different situation) but I fast-forwarded through this.
  • Anne Hathaway is truly much MUCH better than Bride Wars. But at least everyone seems to know this.
  • I googled womb wars to see if anyone had somehow already come up with this idea and made an awesome picture because I’m too lazy. But all there was was right-wing pro-life  propaganda with pictures of creepy fetuses (fetii?). America ruins everything.
  • Do not watch this movie ever.

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Go away you pervs!

Search terms people have used and found my blog:

Seriously. What kind of a blog do you take this for?

LOL JK I love you guys! Here you go:

nice shades bro

*Its OK now that she’s 18*

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Analysis of a Twisted Blog (not really)

Found this cool site that analyzes your blog and from your posts gauges what sort of a person you are! Its pretty good. It got my age right. And my gender hehe.But el-oh-el at me being ‘personal’ and ‘happy‘ most of the time. I write about TV shows, pop culture and sports (just barely) – how is that in any world personal? And happy… Well I guess so. I’m happy hating, and hating is what I mostly do on this blog (and IRL) so therefore my hating posts are happy posts? Or something?

I wish I was male (on the analysis not in real life). That would have been more fun!

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I started a new blog today

Its called Bomba La Mvua after this Bonga Flava artist. I saw his video one day on Channel 5 and fell in love with his name. Just paying homage! Its funny because I barely have enough to write about on this blog. But I felt like exploring other options.

Its gonna be awesome. I’ll write in excruciating detail about my weekends, and during the week I’ll write my deepest thoughts! (In both cases, a lot of TV will be involved!)

Anyway on the real I’m probably going to delete it tomorrow, I only started it because I was bored at work. Even playing Typeracer became boring after an hour. Anyhow, here it is. There might be nothing there yet, just sayin’ 🙂

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Au revoir…

As you may all or may not know… the worst thing that could have happened has! The Hills is over! OVER. I’m so sad. Thank God for reruns, because I don’t know how I would make it otherwise.

I’m actually very sad that its over. Now what will I watch at work? Especially since MTV won’t even let me watch Season 6 yet, let alone S7! Stupid racist MTV.

Anyway, first off, lets say goodbye to Lauren and her valley-girl drawl. Most famous for the awesome quote:

“I want to forgive you and I want to forget you.”

which I have yet to use in a fight with a frenemy (I need a frenemy BTW, any applicants?), she will also be remembered for her Laguna Beach appearances (rewatch it. Seriously underrated), her fights with Kristin Cavallari over Stephen, who was NOT cute, and for giving up going to Paris (PARIS!) for Jason the druggie cheater sex-tapey sleazeball. But let’s not forget, she’s written three books and has several fashion lines!

These weren't ghost-written at all!

Anyway Lauren was always my favourite character – both in Laguna Beach and in The Hills. Now let’s look at her friends. First Whitney.I guess what people will miss most about Whitney is her scarily-wide open eyes when she’s “shocked”. Maybe also her ability to ask Lauren inane questions and to never talk about herself. I have never watched her show The City so I’m not sure how she’s doing as a main character. I wonder if she has to stop herself from opening every question with “So what’s going on between you and Jason/Brody/Doug/Whoever”. Anyway she left The Hills after Season 3 or 4, so lets not think too much about her.

Now Audrina. What can one say about Audrina. Michael K calls her Ceiling Eyes and has the best pics of her eyes looking extra ceilingy. Example:

She was also dumb enough to believe that Lauren would hook up with her on-and-off boyfriend Justin Bobby. I don’t know, I guess that’s pretty much it. She also dated Ryan Cabrera, who sings shitty songs that I am glad I don’t know. His Wikipedia page (linked above) says that he is famous for “dating Ashlee Simpson” and was given the ” honor of Bands (Artists) You Should Know to Sound Cool” by Avril Lavigne. LOL. So cool. At least she broke up with him. That’s the smartest thing she’s ever done.

And the intern sitting next to me just caught me writing about The Hills. How embarrassing.

Anyhow, moving on. Heidi.

Well she was nice and normal and then she met a psychopath who tried to date her and Audrina at the same time. Then she moved in with him, got plastic surgery, stopped being friends with Lauren, tried a singing career, married the psychopath, got ten plastic surgery procedures in one day, started ignoring her family, got kicked off The Hills after accusing the producer of sexual harassment, left the psychopath and asked Michael Bay to be in the next Transformers movie on Twitter. Oh and she’s going to have a reality show about her separation from the psychopath.  Produced by the the psycho’s production company. Yeah. That’s her life now.

And last but not least, Lo. My favourite of all Lauren’s friends – because she was fun, smart, sarcastic and the most normal. But I don’t have much to say about her since she’s not a fame-whore. Also I’m paranoid about being caught essaying about The Hills again. Its tempering my creative flow dammit!

Since I can’t watch Season 6 or 7 (legally) I won’t talk about Kristin Cavallari. Except to say I guess she brought the drama.And also had an on-and-off with Brody Jenner. Wow.

Goodbye to The Hills (watch that.)I’m lost without you.

**so glad this blog is anonymous**

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Is it just me…

.. or is Seth Rogen the most intensely unlikeable actor ever?

Full disclosure: I had never actually seen him in any of the movies that he’d been in before (including but not limited to Knocked Up and You, Me and Dupree). Apparently he was in Anchorman? I don’t remember that.

However, I did see Observe and Report, this terrible, terrible movie that he starred in as a bi-polar mall cop who wants to be a policeman but is too certifiably dumb to make it, and who spends the whole movie trying to catch a flasher, and who may or may not have date-raped the ‘hot’ blonde make-up shop girl after she finally agrees to go on a date with him. And of course he ends up with the pretty but unnoticeable girl after discovering HB (Hot Blonde) is a bitch and rejecting her in a manner that ensures public humiliation for her. Of course.

If it sounds awful, thats because it was. This movie was absolutely dire. And more than that, Seth Rogen was downright disgusting in it. I was surprised that this was the guy the world was making such a big deal about (well last year anyway). But I decided to give him the old benefit of the doubt – you know, maybe it was just the movie? Maybe I no longer have the capacity to enjoy frat-boy humour (if indeed I ever had it)?

But recently, I started watching Freaks and Geeks (ten years after it gets cancelled, go me!) and even though I thought Judd Apatow was unnecessarily hyped these last two years over his movies, I am really enjoying the show! But thats not the point (another day maybe). The point is; Seth Rogen is on the show and has a pretty minor role, but yet he still manages to ruin EVERY single scene he’s in for me. I actually can’t see the point of his character at all. He’s not funny, he’s never involved in any of the plots and if he’s meant to be comic relief, well – he’s failing dismally. Plus his face annoys me!

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Well I started writing this yesterday and when I got home, I discovered that Undeclared had finished downloading (I’m on a Judd Apatow TV kick in case you can’t tell)! To my dismay, Seth Rogen is a main character in this show. He’s just really not funny and now I have to see him in every other scene. Not only that, but he’s playing essentially the same character he did in Freaks and Geeks. I can’t help but think that this is him (ie that he’s not actually acting). Which is sad because he makes my skin crawl.

He was also involved in a love plot in the latest F&G episode that I watched and he ended up kissing the girl that he was into. YUK. I need brain bleach to erase that memory from my head.

At least Google agrees with me – mostly! I don’t know who the screw-ups who think he’s hot are!

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