The Bounty Hunter

*NB: Recycled from the blog*

Starring: Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler (did you know he used to be a lawyer?) and others

First and foremost, this movie is no Another Cinderella Story AKA instant classic :). I downloaded it with great good some expectations; I mean its a romcom – its meant to be fluffy and funny and that’s pretty much all it has to be for me to enjoy it.

The Cast: I like Jennifer Aniston and I think she’s funny, despite her playing the same role in every freaking movie. Gerard Butler, I have never seen in a movie. Well I saw him in the beginning of PS I Love You (23% on Rotten Tomatoes) but that movie was so much trash I didn’t even bother to forward to the ending. And I haven’t watched 300. And I will never watch The Ugly Truth.  Oh wait, I saw him in Rock and Rolla – that was awesome!!

The Plot: So, Nicole or Nic – that nickname really annoyed me – is a reporter. Milo Boyd is a bounty hunter. He used to be a detective but he got fired probably for being an alcoholic and a gambling addict. He gets his next assignment after an utterly hilarious chase sequence with a guy on stilts … *tumbleweed* … and to his delight, its to get his ex-wife, Nic (ugh). She missed a court date because of a juicy story and is now a fugitive. So he chases her round NY and Atlantic City among other places. Hilarity ensues.

**NB: SPOILERS GALORE BELOW**

Or not. This movie sucks bronze monkey balls. The main plot is ridiculous and it’s flanked by absolutely pointless subplots.  Nicole’s stumbled onto a story (she’s an investigative reporter apparently) and it turns out to be BIG. The BIGGEST. (It’s just people obtaining coke from the evidence room when a case doesn’t go to trial. That’s not even real stealing!) Soon she’s got useless assassins in black SUVs trying to kill her.  Ugh. Meanwhile Milo gets Nic, she gives him $500 and says he can turn into $10 000 which is more than he gets for returning her, therefore he should let her go so that she can continue to investigate this “story”.

He doesn’t manage it (and loses the $8k he’d won thus far to boot), and in the process of running away from the assassins and from Milo’s casino people to whom he owes $11 000 they return to the Bed and Breakfast where they had their honeymoon (and where the owners remember them from three years ago and how in love they were and are, natch) and recall their old lives and try to figure out where it all went wrong. That’s when we get this priceless quote:

Nicole Hurley: Life is making mistakes.
Milo Boyd: And death is wishing you had made more.

Nope. There are some I wish I never made. Like wasting two hours of my life on this (more if you count snack preparation time)!

Anyway Nic and Milo are about to get back together when the “conflict” comes up. You know, the mandatory conflict that MUST occur in every single romcom. In this case, Milo makes a manly man comment to his boss about getting some and Nicole overhears and gets pissed off because she thought it was all for real. Which it was but Milo wanted to be all fratboy-like. So she handcuffs him to the bed and runs away after which she is promptly kidnapped by the casino goons. Stupid woman.

OK lets divert for a second to the sideplots (gotta have some suspense you know):

Sideplot 1: Nicole’s completely crazy workmate Dwight (I thought it was Stuart till I looked it up on IMDB) who believes he is in a relationship because they made out once when she was drunk, and keeps calling her to check on their “relationship”.

Anyway, after following Nicole and Milo everywhere like the crazy that he is, Dwight ends up being mistaken for Milo by one of the casino goons following Milo and gets his leg broken, injected with horse tranquilizer and the last we see of him he is “breaking up” with Nicole. Kind of.

Sideplot 2: Milo’s best friend Bobby, some black cop guy ends up looking very likely to be involved in the dastardly coke plot but in the end turns out he was a double agent and is of course a good guy. He still gets shot though (its always the black ones)! He wasn’t even in the trailer so no screenshots. He was lame. I wish he’d been bad.

There were others but I can’t be bothered.

In the end… Milo frees Nicole from where the goons have her, in some club, by taking their money (thousands and thousands of dolla dolla bills y’all) and using it to start a riot. They get back to NYC just in time to save the magical negro from the bad guy. Then Milo takes Nic to jail. She uses her one phone call to phone in her story which apparently is “just like her”… career-women you know. BTW this has been a specific complaint against her throughout the movie, that she is too career driven. Even by her mom. Subtle, Hollywood.

Then Milo punches a cop who disses him for being a wanna-be/has-been (WHICH HE IS!! Hello, Living in the Past meet Milo!!) so he gets arrested. Then they kiss. Then it ends. Probably.

Terrible.

Some random thoughts:

This movie should have been a lot shorter. They should’ve cut out the “action” – it was lame. Romcoms should be romcoms not action-adventure/mystery/Nancy Drewy romcoms!!

The black guy should HAVE BEEN BAD! Why does every single little freaking thing have to turn out good?

What happened to Milo’s debt? Just because the casino goons didn’t catch him doesn’t mean they won’t stop trying. Plus now he took MORE of their money and threw it all away in the club… He gon’ die!!!

The director is Andy Tennant, who also directed Fool’s Gold and Hitch. Compared to Fool’s Gold this movie is Oscar-worthy. So its not the worst of the worst.

8% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Eight per cent!! HAHA.

Gerard Butler has a teeerrrible American accent in the beginning of the movie. It gets better with time. He also looks really dirty. Yuk. Also his character is a massive bully.

  1. I watched this so you don’t have to: Bride Wars « "Lets not and say we did"

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